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    Tricia Duckworth

    2 Failed Marriages ~ Understanding The True Meaning of Marriage/God’s Way

    I believe if you understood the true meaning and purpose of marriage then you will be patient and wait. Let me first start off by telling you I am not a preacher. I am a servant of God here to spread God’s purpose for creation. I want you to read this article with an open mind and heart. Check the Bible for yourself then you will see that a successful marriage is possible. Hosea 4:6 says, “My people are destroyed for their lack of knowledge.” I have found this to be true in my own life. I made so many wrong decisions because I did not have the proper wisdom, understanding or knowledge to make better ones.

    I got married December 12, 1994. I married a young man that I dated and eventually moved in with because to be quite honest I wanted to move out of my parents home. I liked him but we were young and very different. Shortly after we moved in together I got pregnant with my first son. In 1996 we had our second son and soon after separated. This was a marriage that should have never took place. We were not equally yoked on so many levels. We could never agree on anything. This made our relationship very difficult which lead to divorce.

    In 2004 I married a man that I attended the high school with. Years before we got together we crossed each others paths often even living in the same apartment complex. I never liked him or ever thought about marrying him but eventually we did. Now this relationship is one that is very complex on so many levels I will have to write a book about it and you can read that story later. I was married to this man for 6 years and it was one of the craziest times in my life. I never thought that two people who knew the Lord would catch as much hell as we did. How naive was I. This marriage ended after giving birth to (2) more sons. Lord, what in the world is going on here. I shared this part of my story to give you an idea of my background.

    I am a woman who always wanted to be married. I grew up in a household with both my parents and wanted the same for my children. Our household was not perfect but we did have a lot of great memories in-spite all of the chaos. I got saved and really began to seek God with my whole heart and I began asking Him a lot of questions. A few of my questions were Lord, “What is wrong with me?” “Why am I hurting so bad?” I began seeking God like never before and I came across New Birth where Bishop Eddie Lee Long was Pastor. I fell in love with this ministry instantly and was a faithful member for 10 years. Bishop Long began to speak to my open heart and I soon experienced a New Birth in my mind and soul. I began to discover things about God’s word I never knew. One day Bishop preached a sermon “I Don’t Want Delilah I Need You”. This blessed and convicted me all at the same time. I was newly separated from my first husband and all I could do was sit there and listen my pastor and think. I came across a scripture in proverbs that refers to a wise woman building her house but a foolish one tears it down. I felt as though I tore my household down and was feeling guilty and ashamed about it. The message was not to put women down. It actually was meant to help women, unfortunately, I felt the damage had already been done to me. Moving forward my second husband had what I would say was the new and improve (me) but now circumstances were different and so was my new husband. He always wanted to be in control and that never got him anywhere with me. This eventually lead to my 2nd divorce. So now I am talking to God and began to discover things I am about to share with you. I pray you use my road map to help you get to the place you need to be in your relationship with God.

    Because I still have not given up on finding true lasting love I have been learning everything I can to make sure the 3rd time is a charm. What I am about to tell you may be something you have heard before or maybe you have not.

    I went back to the book of Genesis I’m sure most of you know the story but I am given you the shortcut version. Adam and Eve were one, they were one with themselves, and one with God. I call it the triangle love method. If you look at a triangle The tip of the triangle represents God, one side at he bottom represents man, the other side represents woman. Both of them have a connection to God and also a connection to one another. This is very important. Both of you should be whole. Be happy with yourself, have a relationship with God and then a relationship with each other. At some point Eve got caught up with the enemy she listened to him and bit the apple that was forbidden and then gave it to Adam. After the act of disobedience to the Father. Adam and Eve lost there place in the Garden they lost their gift and they lost their inheritance. God then provided them with their life sentence and consequences for making the choice they made to disobey Him. Genesis 3:16 says, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children, your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” I read this and said wait a minute this is what happened after the fall of man. I began to look back at my 2 failed marriages and thought, this is part of where I went wrong. I asked the question, Lord, if this is the consequence of a marriage after the curse? I began looking at other relationships. I noticed how we as women look up to men and look for a man to validate us. We also would do almost anything to please him. I thought wow God this is crazy. A lot of us women are walking around loosing our lives, our dignity and self respect because of this one desire that we now have for the man in our life.

    As I am writing this article I wonder why are men ruling over women and why do women allow them too. Back to Adam and Eve, Eve walked around the garden with a guilty conscious. I can imagine that she probably wanting to make it up to Adam, knowing that she was the cause of them loosing their inheritance. Adam was probably at the point where he no longer trusted Eve. He may have had some level of resentment towards her because she convinced him to eat of the apple. I see this clearly. This goes back to a wise woman building her house and a foolish one tearing it down. I was once Eve. Because of the guilt I had for tearing my own house down and putting my husband out once I found out the truth. I felt guilty and my whole desire turned to trying to please him to get him back. Ladies can you see this in any of your relationships if so it is ok. There is no condemnation. You may ask, how should a marriage be? I am glad you asked. Please read Ephesians 5:21-32, it outlines God’s instructions for Christian households, submitting to one another out of reverence for Him. I wrote this article so you can read just how the relationship should be, it is submission not rule, it is the man being the head. I heard Myles Munroe say husbands are the foundation. Men are designed to sustain the family. This is the way I see a restored marriage. The man has submitted himself to God the woman is submitted to God the husband loves her so much that he covers her with the Word of God. So this means that a man should have a relationship with God so he will know how to treat you.

    Now, why does God honor and want marriage. Marriage is God’s design with great benefits. There is a great benefit package that goes far beyond sex. So many of us if we are honest got married for all the wrong reasons. God’s original plan was to build His Kingdom here on earth as it is in Heaven. Jesus did more than just die on the cross for our sins. He came to earth to live the Kingdom life, He taught us the Kingdom laws and order. We have the same ability to do just as Jesus did. So with all of this being said. God wants to build a legacy through you. Look at The Queen over in England, begin to study things about the Kingdom to be provided with an idea of what God wants for you as a Kingdom citizen. In a Kingdom there is order, there is a government, there are laws. There is a way to experience the Kingdom life that God wants for us. We have to be willing to turn from our ways and focus on God’s Ways as well as be willing to give up something or someone to obtain it. This process is not easy but necessary. Think about the process of making fine wine. It has to be picked or chosen, then a pressing, from the pressing there is an aging process that makes the wine more valuable. It is set apart for just the right time. So ladies do not be anxious but develop patience and go through your process of time to become that priceless wine. Not everyone can afford you. They have to be able to pay the price for the value they will receive from having you. Take this time to invest in who you are and what you are called to be. God has a purpose for you individually and He will send the right man to compliment you. Remember God gives good gifts and He adds no sorrow with it. Ladies, you are the prize please keep that in mind understand the power that you have in the relationship. The only way to truly walk in it is to first build your relationship with God allow Him to show you who you are. If a man does not treat you the way that God intends then he is simply not the one. A man should love you not hurt you.

    This article was written by Keshia Wright – Transformation Life Coach.

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