When You Can’t Trace Him, Trust Him
Several years ago, my husband and I decided to move out of state, after praying a and seeking God for directions it was a definite plan. It was a very cold day in January that year, while on my way to church I heard the voice of the Lord loud and clear in my spirit, He asked a question. He asked, what is it that you want? Tears ran down my face because all I can think about is God asking me a question that He already knows the answer too. I answered His question by saying, “yes, I trust you Lord”, I went on to say, if this move is what you want us to do Lord, please allow things to go smoothly. On February 15th that year we moved over 500 miles to our new destination, everything went as smooth as it could go. We were all settled in, the kids were enjoying their new home and school, my husband started his new job and I eventually found a church to attend, things were good. About a month later we were coming home from church my family were all changing clothes getting ready to enjoy our Sunday evening, I was left downstairs just setting there on the couch, when I heard the voice of the Lord. He asked, “Do you trust Me?”, with tears running down my face, I looked around, because His voice was so loud in my spirit, I answered Him, “yes”. God continued to speak, He said, “hang on, you’re about to go through a difficult situation, you’re going to question Me and have doubts about your journey but remember that I’m with you.” He went on to say, “at times you will feel like you’re on a roller coaster, going up and down, be mindful, that I will never leave you, I will be your shield as you continue to trust Me.”
The next month, my husband’s job reduced his hours from full time to part time. I thought there is no way we can afford our household expenses with him bring home part-time income, so I decided that I need to look harder for employment. Let me just say, with all my experience working in the banking and finance industry, I did not find employment. Things were starting to go downhill fast, there was no money to pay bills, on top of that, my best friend died to breast cancer, I was devastated. I cried for weeks, then I remember, when God told me that I was going to experience difficult situations, to hang in there, He’s with me. For a while, I just tried to block out the hurt and kept going as if things were not happening until it got worse and we had to leave our home because we were no longer able to afford it. I literally beg God to stop us from losing our home, I prayed so hard, I would spend hours in my prayer closet hoping for a miracle. At times I couldn’t trace Him, it was as if He wasn’t hearing me or as if He didn’t exist. God where are you, do you hear me? It was getting harder and harder to trace Him. After about a year and a half we were forced to move back to the state we came from. This is when I shut down completely. I could not understand what was going on and why were we back there. I thought I was losing my mind, I questioned myself, I questioned my faith and I questioned God. I was confused, it bothered me to the degree that I didn’t want to talk to God any longer. I was then reminded from my Aunt who I shared so much with what God said, she jogged my memory by reminding me about that day when God asked me did I trust Him. She reminded me that He said, He would be there for me every step of the way. I cried for days. I repented for walking away from God because I couldn’t trace Him when I felt that He abandon me, and I felt that He didn’t care. After I got myself together and realized that I’m going to put my trust in God no matter what, doors began to open one after another. Both my husband and I got jobs, we got a home, the kids were content in their schools and we were doing alright. I never really understood why we had to go back but after 18 months, we returned to the state that we desired and have been living here for 7 years.
This story reminds me often how I can go through situations, not seeing what God is doing but choosing to trust Him. There were times during this ordeal that I was so distant, I was angry, but it didn’t last long. When I was reminded of what God said that Sunday afternoon, I began to walk in peace, no matter what was going on, I knew that He wouldn’t lie to me and tell me He was with me and not be. It was hard, but it was worth it. I knew that I was not actually losing, I was winning.
Over the years, trusting God made it easier to go through tough times. Trusting Him made it worth it. No one is exempt from going through, it’s not what we go through, it’s how we go through it. Those situations made me grow up spiritually, I learned to trust God more and more, especially when I didn’t see Him.
Listen, we are living in times when we need to trust God more than ever. Children are getting killed in our schools all over this country by the hands of someone using guns for murder. We are seeing more domestic violence situations in homes now than decades ago. We need Jesus. We need to trust Him even when we can’t see what He’s doing. We need to know that He’s in control. We need to continue to pray for guidance and seek His face always.
One of my favorite verses in the bible:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs3:5,6 KJV)